


One Difficult Confession

by R0gue



Category: Love Live! School Idol Project, Love Live! Sunshine!!
Genre: Coming Out, Confessions, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/F, Implied Sexual Content, Kissing, Mental Breakdown, Naked Cuddling, Riko Has A Mental Illness, Surprises, Trying To Come Out, Voices in head, You Is Her Ray Of Sunshine, YouRiko Week, mental health
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-20
Updated: 2018-12-20
Packaged: 2019-09-23 08:51:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,050
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17077190
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/R0gue/pseuds/R0gue
Summary: Riko has been trying to come out to her mother for a while, but every time she does, the voice in her head convinces her not to. Luckily, she has her amazing girlfriend You to help her.Rated M mostly because it describes everything going on in Riko's mind while she's having a mental breakdown. Please be careful when reading if this sort of thing can have an effect on you.This is my YouRiko Week Day 2 Fic, using the prompt of Confessions.





	One Difficult Confession

**Author's Note:**

> So I just want to say this again, but if reading anything about mental breakdowns or mental health can affect you in any way, then please be careful when reading. This fic goes into places that my mind has been in the past so please don't read if you don't like it.
> 
> This is probably my final fic for the YouRiko Week. I would have loved to have written more, but with just general life being stressful and also a lot of writing burnout recently, I was unable to write more. I hope that everyone enjoys the rest of the YouRiko Week.

Fingers tighten around the piece of paper in her hands as Riko takes in a deep breath. Her eyes are shut tight, allowing her mind to slowly tick away.  _ You’re not ready for this, they’re going to be mad. _ She tries to shake the negative thoughts from her mind, but it just seems to make them worse.  _ You know they’ll do it. You’ll be homeless soon, cast out by your own mother. _ She knew it wasn’t true.  _ They won’t!  _ She tried to argue back, despite knowing it was futile.  _ Stop lying to yourself. _ Her mind always won these debates, it was hardly a contest.  _ Please just stop, that won’t happen. _ She couldn’t remember the last time she’d managed to overcome her thoughts.  _ It could though, and then you’d just be out on the streets.  _

The sweating starts. It makes her entire body feel gross. She can feel the horrible liquid coat her body, pouring from her skin and dripping down her face.  _ STOP IT STOP IT STOP IT!  _ She screams into her head.  _ You know I’m right. _ The paper falls from her hands and she jumps to her feet.  _ Okay, I won’t do it.  _ She clenches her fist, throwing a punch in front of her as if the voice in her head manifested a body in front of her.

Her eyes reopen and she bends down to pick up the paper.  _ Go on! _ The voice urges her, and she gives in, ripping the paper into shreds and dropping the small pieces to the floor. Tears start to roll down her cheeks, and her knees start to become weak. She doesn’t bother trying to stand any longer, she just collapses to the floor, her tears leaving rivers behind them as they travel down her face and soak into the carpet.

_You… I’m sorry._ A picture of her girlfriend appears in her mind and the tears grow in intensity. _I’m such a mess._ She slowly pushes herself to her feet and pulls herself to the bed. _How can you love someone like me?_ _Someone who can’t even tell their own mother that they have a girlfriend._

As if You could hear her, Riko’s phone starts to ring, a picture of the ashen-haired girl flashing on the screen. Riko reaches over and picks the phone up, answering the call.

“Riko, how’d it go?” The cheerful voice of her girlfriend allows a smile to appear on her face, despite the tears, like a small ray of sunshine in the middle of a rainstorm.

“I um…” Riko starts but finds herself unable to continue. “I’m sorry… I couldn’t do it.”

“I love you Riko, I know it’s hard for you.” You’s voice is calm, no hint of anger or annoyance is anywhere to be found. “You’ll do it eventually.”

“I don’t think I can…” Riko slowly wipes her eyes with her free arm. “The voices… they’re too much…”

“I know it’s hard…” You takes a deep breath. “Do you mind if I come over?”

“I um… please…” Riko feels herself relaxing a little. You always makes her feel calmer… feel sane… feel… loved.

“I’ll be there in about ten minutes.” You calls into the phone, the sounds of her moving about coming down the receiver. After a few seconds of silence between the two of them, You’s voice speaks up again. “I love you so much Riko.” 

\-----

As soon as Riko hears the doorbell, she immediately jumps out of bed and runs to the door, flinging it open. Standing the other side of the door is You, dressed in a light blue top and a pair of white shorts. 

Without thinking, Riko embraces the girl, kissing her on the lips. “I missed you so much.” If anyone had been watching, they would have thought that the two hadn’t seen each other in years. 

“It’s only been a day Riko.” You’s arms tighten around the pianist. “But it’s nice to see you too.” After a few seconds, she pulls apart. “We should probably head inside now though, we don’t want people seeing.” 

“Yeah…” Riko came to the realisation of what she’d just done. _Someone saw._ Her mind tells her. She immediately shakes her head. _Someone saw, and they’re going to tell your mother._ The tone of the voice grew harsher. _You’re going to end up on the streets._ _Why couldn’t you have just been normal?_ Riko feels her eyes filling with tears once more. _There is nothing wrong with liking girls!_ She tries to scream at the voice but she knows it wouldn’t help. _You’d be best off just ending things with her._ Riko closes her eyes and takes a deep breath. _I need to get inside._ A ghostly shape appears in her mind. _Yes, go in and shut the door on her._

“Riko… are you okay?” You’s hands slide down her arms taking the red-haired girl’s hands in her own.

Riko slowly opens her eyes and shakes her head.  _ Tell her!  _ Tears start to roll down her cheeks again. “I…”  _ You want to break up!  _

“Let’s get inside.” You squeezes her hand and leads her inside the house. “We’ll go straight to your room.”

They drop their hands apart as they walk past the doorway to the kitchen.  _ See, she hates you. She doesn’t want you, she’s just using you. _ They stay silent until they pass into Riko’s bedroom and close the door behind them.

“Come here…” You takes Riko’s hand and sits her down on the bed. “Please, tell me what’s wrong.” 

“I… It’s telling me…” Riko started to clench her fists.  _ You doesn’t love you. You have to get her out of here. _ Riko’s fingers tighten around You’s. “...that we should break up.”

You’s free hand reaches up and cups the pianist’s cheek, turning Riko’s head to face her. Their faces are so close together, their eyes staring into each other. “And… do you want to?”

Riko feels herself leaning slightly closer.  _ Yes! Yes you… _ She doesn’t hear the rest of what it has to say. Her lips are pressed against You’s, her eyes slowly closing, her mind being filled with the sensations of the kiss.

You has always managed to have this effect on her. She always knows exactly what to do, exactly where to be, exactly what to say to make her forget her mind and just be in love.

She feels You slide her tongue past Riko’s lips and she quickly comes to meet it, letting them do the familiar dance. The hand on her cheek starts to gently rub it’s thumb against the soft skin and their connected hands tighten, making sure the other girl never goes anywhere. You’s lips are as soft as they always are, allowing their lips to easily slide gently against each other. 

Their bodies collapse sideways onto the bed, both lying on their sides as Riko’s free hand slides behind You, pulling the two of them closer together, their legs intertwining to allow a closer touch. Riko can slightly feel her girlfriends heartbeat now. The fast-paced beating that sends proof that the other girl loves her. As the kiss continues, she notices their heartbeats sync up, as if they were becoming one. 

When it finally breaks away, Riko finds herself panting for breath. She presses her forehead against You’s, not letting her eyes reopen. “Thank you.” She whispers the words as she slightly adjusts her position on the bed.

“If it ever tells you stuff like that again… remember just how much I do love you.” You’s own whisper returns, her voice a soothing tone. “Just remember that, even if your mind is telling you things, I love you, for you… everything about you is perfect… and I would never want you to be any different.” She tilts her head closer, slowly pressing their lips together, before drawing away at the same speed. “I love you Sakurauchi Riko… I always have and I always will.” 

Riko feels her lips curling into a smile. The calmness of the girl’s voice makes her believe every word. A warmth spreads around her body and she gently rubs their noses softly against each other. “Can we just stay like this?”

“Of course we can.” You presses a kiss against Riko’s lips and returns their foreheads to pressing gently against each other. “Although… it might be nicer if we were under the covers.”

Riko giggles slightly. “I’m sure I can part with this for a few seconds.” Her eyes slowly open to find herself looking into You’s blue irises. 

“You’ll have to pull away then.” You’s lips have a large grin on them, making her face look warm and inviting. 

Riko gently presses a light kiss to those lips she loves. “You first.” 

“As you wish, my princess.” She slides back slightly, her hands being the last thing to leave Riko’s body as she pivots, getting up from the bed. Then, she does something Riko isn’t expecting; she places her hands on her waist and unbuttons her shorts, sliding them down her legs.

“You?” Riko feels her cheeks heat up at the sight of her girlfriend’s underwear.

“What? It’s going to be hot under the covers.” You starts to take her shirt off as well. “Plus, cuddles are always better when we’re naked.”

Riko can’t find the right words to answer the girl. “That’s usually because of what we were doing before said naked cuddles…” Despite the hesitation in her voice, she starts following You’s actions. “Which we’re  _ not  _ doing while my mother is in the house.”

“I know don’t worry.” You’s now taking off her bra, letting it fall from her shoulders. “Otherwise I would’ve started after that kiss.” She winks at Riko as her panties slide down her legs, leaving her bare. 

Riko feels the heat in her cheeks flare up at the sight of her girlfriend without clothes on. She quickly takes the remainder of her own clothes off and looks over to see You still standing there. “Why are you so beautiful?”

“Because I saw you and tried to catch up.” You presses close to Riko and places and slide her hands onto the girl’s hips, gently pressing their lips together.

Riko felt her heart rate increase slightly at the comment and then again at the proximity of their bodies. She gently breaks the kiss. “Please stop saying stuff like that…” Her eyes are closed and her voice comes out breathy.

You’s lips curl into a smile, a gesture that Riko can feel due to the closeness of their faces. The diver slowly pushes Riko back down onto the bed. “Come on… let’s get under the covers.” 

The two of them slip under the duvet before sliding closer to each other, their legs intertwining. Their chests press gently against each other and their foreheads are now resting back together. “This does feel amazing… even when we haven’t done anything.” Riko whispers in a soft tone. “I feel like I could sleep at any moment.”

“Then do so.” You tilts her head up to kiss Riko’s forehead. “You can turn over if you want.”

Riko’s lips smile once again and she nods her head. She makes sure to press a kiss against the closest part of You to her, the girl’s neck, and then turns to face the opposite direction, quickly feeling her girlfriend’s body slide in behind her. 

This way of cuddling always makes her feel warm inside. The feeling of You’s body pressing against her back, of arms wrapping around her, even the small kisses on her upper back that her girlfriend often gives her, it all makes her feel safe, happy and just like nothing could go wrong.

Before long, she finds her eyes slowly closing and her body drifting off to sleep.

\-----

The lack of arms around Riko when she wakes up causes her to instantly fly into a panic.  _ You? Where are you?  _ She sits up in bed immediately. Her clothes are gone. She’s not in the room. Riko pulls the covers off and pulls a shirt over her head. She then grabs a pair of panties and pulls them on. As she does, the voice starts to speak to her again.  _ She’s left you. She doesn’t love you. She’s gone to someone who is whole. _ Riko shook her head.  _ It isn’t true. She wouldn’t. _ She tries to remember everything that happened before she slept.  _ You don’t know that.  _ Her memories fail to reach her, blocked by the thoughts that are slowly clouding her mind.  _ She’s off with someone who deserves her. _ Riko shakes her head, pulling a skirt up her legs.  _ No… she’s just… _ She can’t think straight, she just needs to get out of this room, to find her girlfriend.  _ Maybe your mother found her. Naked in bed with you and kicked her out… and you’re next… _ Riko feels herself freeze.  _ There’s no… _ Her body starts to sweat.

Thud. 

She slips and falls to the floor.  _ You don’t even deserve to have this house anyway. You’ve never deserved her. You’ve never deserved anything. You were better off being the small girl who couldn’t play the piano. _ Riko feels the tears coming once more.  _ Stop this! I don’t want to listen to you anymore. _ She tries to protest.  _ I’m just telling you the truth. Are you too pathetic to even understand that?  _ Riko curls up into a ball on the floor. 

Suddenly, the door to her room opens and she hears someone distant calling her name.  _ That’s your mother, they’ve come to throw you out for being weird. _ She shakes her head as the sound grows closer. 

“Riko!” You’s voice penetrates the cloud in her mind, creating a small gleam of light in the thick darkness. “Riko!” The girl’s hands roll her onto her back. “Riko!” A kiss is pressed onto her lips. “Riko, please!” 

“I’m sorry.”

“Riko… Riko…” You pulls her into a hug. “You have nothing to be sorry for. I’m just glad to have you back.” The ashen-haired girl starts to press kisses all over her face, neck and chest. “You had me so worried.”

“I do… I’m pathetic.” Riko starts, taking a deep breath. “I’m worthless. I don’t deserve you, I don’t deserve anything. I’m just a mess.”

“You’re not any of those things!” You calls, tears starting to form in her own eyes. “You’re beautiful, you’re talented, you’re an amazing person to be around, you’re the best girlfriend I could ever ask for, you’re the person  _ I _ love.” You collapses on top of her. “And you always will be… so don’t say things that aren’t true.”

The two of them are silent.  _ Look what you’ve done now, you’ve made your own girlfriend cry. Just how pathetic can one person be. _ The voice keeps speaking in Riko’s mind, over and over. Until she feels You’s lips kissing hers. 

The white light in her mind slowly expands, drowning out her thoughts and slowly filling her mind, dismissing the black mist. “You… I’m so sorry.” She pulls her girlfriend closer. “I don’t want you to cry.”

“You don’t need to apologise…” You smiles, tears still streaming down her face. “I’m just happy you’re okay.” She rolls onto her back, lying next to Riko on the floor of the room. “Your mother has gone out by the way. They wanted to let you know, but I told them that you fell asleep while we were doing homework.” She rolls her head to the side, looking at the pianist. “That’s where I was… I’m not gone, and I never will be.”

The two lie there in silence, taking deep breaths in and out. 

“Thank you…” Riko finally turns to look at her girlfriend. “I will never stop loving you.” 

“I will never stop loving you either.” You sits up. “Shall we get back in bed?”

“Yeah…” Riko sits up as well, before pushing herself up to her feet, offering a hand to You, who takes it and uses the momentum to pull the red-haired girl down onto the bed and into a kiss.

When it breaks apart You looks at Riko. “Hey…” She whispers, dipping down to place a few kisses on Riko’s neck. “Your mother isn’t home anymore.”

\-----

When Riko wakes for the third time today, she’s greeted by a warmth behind her, soft arms wrapping around her body and a feeling of belonging. She smiles and wriggles back a little, pressing her body against You’s slightly further.  _ I can’t think of a way I’d rather wake up. _ She feels her thoughts drift back to the events before their nap and she feels a warmth spread through her body. “I love you, You.” She whispers the words so that they’re barely audible, but she’s greeted by the arms tightening around her slightly.

“Riko… I love you too...” You’s words sound more like a groan than individual words. She shifts her hands slightly so that they start to draw small circles onto the skin of Riko’s stomach. 

“Hey, You… can you stay over tonight?” Riko tilts her head back slightly, to allow her to see the ashen-haired girl better. 

As a response, she feels kisses being peppered onto her upper back. “Of course… but… I want to tell your mother about us… I don’t want to hide it any longer, I want the whole world to know just how much I love you.”

Riko feels her heart stop as she hears the initial words. She’s about to protest, but the rest of You’s words let the thoughts die in her throat. She turns around to face her girlfriend. “Okay… we’ll do it together.”

You immediately kisses Riko, her hands cupping the pianist’s cheeks and her legs intertwining with Riko’s. “I love you so much Riko. This will be fine, please don’t worry about it.” She presses a kiss to the red-haired girl’s forehead. “Whatever your thoughts say, it won’t happen.”

Riko feels her body relax. “I trust you.”

“We should probably get dressed then, we don’t want it to be a premature confession.” You starts to sit up but Riko pulls her back down.

“Not just yet… I like looking at you naked.” Riko’s fingers start to drift down You’s spine, tracing a line up and down. “And I haven’t had enough kisses.” She presses her lips against her girlfriend’s and slips her tongue past You’s lips.

Once they break apart, You quickly rolls over and slips out of bed. “We should start getting dressed, I think they’ll be back soon.” She starts looking around for her clothes. “Do you mind if I have a shower?”

“Only if I can’t join you?” Riko slips out of bed, making her way over to You, placing her hands on the girl’s hips and pressing their lips together.

You can see the urge to deny the proposition appear and die on You’s face. “You’re lucky I love you.”

\-----

Once they’ve finished in the shower, they help to towel down each other before heading back to Riko’s room. As the door to her room closes, they hear a car slowly pull into the driveway. 

“Clothes… quick!” You says and they start to scramble about looking for each other’s clothing. In the confusion, they both end up wearing each other’s panties and their own bras, causing them to giggle when they notice it. 

Soon though, they’re back to wearing their own clothes and they sit down on Riko’s bed. “Right… so are you ready?”

Riko feels the pit in her chest open up and closes her eyes.  _ I don’t know…  _ Her palms start to sweat a little.  _ Do you really think this will go well?  _ The voice kicks in, it’s mist starting to fill up her mind.  _ She’s just going to kick you out. No one wants a child that’s- _ Its voice is cut off by a hand slipping into hers, fingers intertwining with her own and a kiss being placed on her lips. 

“It will all be okay.”

_ It will all be okay. _ Riko repeats the words in her mind before she re-opens her eyes and sees You in front of her. “Yeah… it will be.” 

“Come on then… I’ll be right next to you through the entire thing.” You stands up to her feet and gently pulls Riko up as well. “I’m so happy that you’re my girlfriend Riko.”

“And I can’t believe that you’re still mine.” Riko relies and places a kiss on You’s lips. “Please… never change.”

They share another kiss and just stand there in the middle of the room, their bodies slightly swaying from side to side. 

“Okay… let’s go.” You breaks away, still clutching onto Riko’s hand. 

The two walk slowly towards the door and then down to the bottom of the stairs. Riko looks into the kitchen to see her mother preparing some food. She feels You give her hand a reassuring squeeze. “Hey… Mother…” 

Her mother looks over to the doorway from her cooking. “Riko, dear, what can I help you with?”

“I um… I…” She closes her eyes and takes a deep breath. “I have something I need to talk to you about.”

“Oh, what is it?” Her mother sets down the knife she was using previously and turns her body to face them. “You can always talk to me about stuff.”

“Well…” She walks forward and the two of them step into the room. “I wanted to tell you… You and I have been um… girlfriends for a few months now.”

“Oh, that’s amazing news!” Her mother walks over to the two of them. “I am more than happy to have You in the family.” She takes both of their free hands into her own. “I’m sure you two will be very happy together.” She takes a second to look at the two of them. “Is You staying for dinner then?”

“I-If that’s okay?” Riko isn’t quite sure how to take this reaction. The moment she’s been building up for months as some horrible thing had turned out to just be fine.

“Of course it is.” Her mother smiles at Riko. “I’ll make enough for three.”

Riko takes a deep breath. “Thank you…” 

“There’s no need to thank me, dear.” Her mother presses a kiss against Riko’s forehead. “You’re my daughter, I’ll support anything that makes you happy.” 

Riko feels tears forming in the corner of her eyes.  _ I told you to shut up. _ She says to the voice in her head as she pulls her mother into a hug. “I love you.”

“I love you too dear.” She pulls away and looks over at You, then back to Riko. “Go on then you two, I need to get back to preparing dinner.”

Riko looks over at You and the two make their way out of the kitchen. 

They stay silent until they reach Riko’s bedroom. “Did that just happen?” Riko looks over at You as she says this.

“Of course it did silly.” You’s face has a wide grin on it. “We can now officially tell everyone!” She slowly heads over to her bag. “Which means…” She picks something small out of it and walks over to Riko. 

“Sakurauchi Riko… since the day I first laid eyes on you, I fell in love. Since I became your girlfriend, I’ve just fallen more and more in love with you… and I never want to be apart from you.” She takes a deep breath. “So… even though we’re way too young… and we can’t even do it by law…” You kneels down in front of Riko and holds out a small box. “You are the person I want to spend the rest of my life with… will you marry me?” She opens the box to reveal a silver ring, encrusted with small clear diamonds along the band.

Riko stares at You, not sure what to say. Her fingers move to her leg where she pinches herself, double checking she isn’t dreaming. “You…” Tears start to fall down her face. “Of course I will!” She holds her left hand out and You slides the ring onto her finger. “I… love you… so much.”

You stands up and pulls her closer, capturing the girl’s lips with her own. When they break apart she rests her forehead against Riko’s. “I could never ask for a more perfect wife.”


End file.
